You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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