my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize