You're my little dorito
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
