That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
