so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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