Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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