South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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