girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
