what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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