she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I have fence marks all over my body
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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