So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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