I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Tornado booty call.. dedication
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
