I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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