somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
