THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize