i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
