And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
