so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize