Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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