I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
