Where are you?
In a non slutty way
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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