Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
