I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
