I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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