doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
