I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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