im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize