people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
