I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
