If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
