I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
