Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
ok first of all what the fuck
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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