Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Randomize
