I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
