i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
