this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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