Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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