So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
