Apparently you make a good broom.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
