My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
