She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
