Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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