you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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