I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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