i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
