I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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