it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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