Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
