Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
