At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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