so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
