Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Randomize
