i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
