.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
