Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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