She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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