It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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