I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
