Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
