I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
