I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
