only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
