I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize