Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Drunk is a universal language darling
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