There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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