i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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