Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
