Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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