grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
