I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
