My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Randomize
