You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
my shit smells like andre
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
