i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
